Tag Archives: divorce

Good Enough Versus “Best” Solutions to Your Divorce Problems

In today’s final post on how to deal with information overload, as it pertains to Alabama divorces, child custody battles, and other family law questions, we will touch on something that’s deeply important: the difference between seeking optimal solutions and seeking “good enough” solutions to your divorce-related problems.denial

With nearly infinite information at your fingertips via the web, you may believe that, with enough research, you could find “best” solutions for questions about how to manage child custody; how to improve your body after divorce; how to find a new relationship; how to fix your relationships with your kids, etc.

Truth be told, you can make significant progress on all these different fronts. The problem is that this kind of optimization comes with a cost. You can never optimize everything in your life — or even in the domain of Alabama divorce. There are too many variables and too many different “sub projects.” If you try to choose the best path, instead of the “good enough” path, every time, you will wind up frozen and doing nothing. Information overload will permanently paralyze you.

Instead, think about your problems from a “good enough” perspective.

For instance, let’s say there is a big flood in your area. Do you need to leave the United States and head to Nepal to climb Mount Everest to avoid the flood? After all, Mount Everest is the highest point on Earth; it is probably the least likely point to be flooded. Obviously not — you just need to get “high enough” to avoid drowning and to protect your possessions. In fact, the very act of seeking the highest point on Earth would be destructive, because you would have to sacrifice so much (pointlessly) to make the trip.
Along those lines, whenever you confront information overload regarding your divorce or anything else, ask yourself: what’s “good enough”? What’s the minimum you need to do to achieve your goals and protect your interests? For instance, do you need to talk to every single Board Certified Alabama family law specialist in the state? Or will just one do?
For help achieving your goals safely, smartly and effectively, call the Rose Law Firm to schedule a free consultation with attorney Jennifer Rose right now.

Waking Up at Night Confused After Divorce

Once you’ve retained an attorney, and you’ve started to process what to do (and what not to do) about your Alabama divorce or child custody case, you’re still going to encounter “information overload” challenges. Tug of War1

For instance, even after you’ve retained a lawyer, you may find yourself jolted awake at night with questions for him or her. You might see something on the news that concerns you about your case. You might leave a meeting or a hearing or feeling uncertain or confused about a particular point. Your ex-husband or wife may say or do things that make you frustrated/angry. And so forth. All these elements of confusion can create a kind of backlog, which can make it harder for you to concentrate on your life, relationships, finances, etc.

To get handle on these issues, as they arise, get in the habit of writing down your questions and concerns on a piece of paper or in a file that you keep for this purpose. When you get a chance to speak with your attorney, you can rattle off all of your concerns in a coherent, rapid fashion and thus “clear the queue” of these concerns without racking up tons of legal fees, wasting your attorney’s time or running yourself ragged.

This process will also help you feel more in control on a day-to-day basis. Instead of spending your time worrying (fruitlessly) about what to make of your ex-husband’s recently bizarre Facebook posts, just write down “ask Attorney Rose about Facebook posts,” and be comforted that you will get a good answer in short order. Once the brain knows that you’re “on it,” it will let go and allow you to concentrate on other things.
To that end, please call attorney Jennifer Rose at the Rose Law Firm right now to set up a consultation. As a Board Certified Alabama family law specialist, Jennifer Rose is a true expert in her field; she can give you the comprehensive guidance you need to succeed.

Running Out of “RAM” After Divorce?

In our last post about information overwhelm, as it pertains to the Alabama divorce and child custody investigation process, we talked about how working memory can be analogized to computer RAM. Any computer will only have a certain amount of random access memory (RAM). Man with umbrella in water

If you overload this memory, the computer will start to work slower, and the computer’s processes will break down. Likewise, if you overwhelm your own “RAM” with too many projects (or potential projects), your brain will be overcommitted, and it won’t work as well at identifying opportunities and making good logical judgments. Fortunately, you can use a variety of tools to “clear” your personal RAM and make research less exhausting.

First of all, you can go on what author Tim Ferriss called a “Low Information Diet.” Rather than drinking in as much information as you can about divorce or family law, restrict yourself. Have a plan – a goal for the research – and time bound that research.

Secondly, practice mindfulness meditation. More and more research now shows that people who engage in daily mindfulness practice are able to handle overwhelm, depression, and anxiety better, perhaps because meditation has powerful effects on the frontal cortex, the region in the brain that helps with executive function and organization.
Finally, if you don’t have a personal organization system, get one. Popular strategies include Steven Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and David Allen’s Getting Things Done. Find a system, commit to it, and learn it and apply it. Be more efficient and effective at what you do.

To get assistance with your legal needs, call attorney Jennifer Rose at the Rose Law Firm right now to set up a free and thorough case consultation with her.

How to Rebuild Trust After a Harrowing Alabama Divorce or Child Custody Case – Part IV

Even after you’ve effectively dealt with your Alabama divorce or child custody issue, you may still be reeling from a lack of trust in your life. Woman in Window

One of the greatest tools that you can use is something called “self-empathy.” Empathy should be distinguished from similar strategies, such as sympathy, storytelling, pitying, etc. Rather than try to fix your problems – or get other people to fix them for you – you simply want to pay attention to what you are feeling and why. The observation process, in and of itself, is the key. By engaging in self-empathy over the next several weeks and months, you may find that the memory of the betrayal will sting less and less, and you will feel more equanimity about the whole thing.

Fortunately, self-empathy is a skill that can be learned, and you don’t need anybody else to administer it for you.

When you feel agitated or upset about the divorce, stop and be mindful. What do you feel in your body? What thoughts do you have when you have those emotions? Try to attach the feelings to unmet needs. For instance, maybe one day, while walking in the garden, you suddenly feel really sad. Ask yourself why. Potentially, you had a vision of the flowers in your wedding bouquet, and that set off the sadness. Maybe that sadness was connected to your sense of loss of companionship. Just being with such feelings and acknowledging them can be healing. If you do this process again and again, over weeks and months, you’re going to gain insight into yourself and probably have fewer charged emotional experiences.

You also could probably benefit from talking to a Board-Certified family law specialist at the Rose Law Group. Call Jennifer Rose right now for a free consultation.