Monthly Archives: April 2014

Gratitude after Your Alabama Divorce – Part 2

5774322_sIn our last post, we started a conversation about how to feel grateful after a  Alabama divorce or separation. You may feel pretty lousy right now. But if you think hard, you can surely find many things in your life that give you joy, such as:

 

  • Your health;
  • Your beautiful children;
  • A chance to start over in new town;
  • A chance to find new love (someone who will really listen to you);
  • A change to prove your ability to be resilient in the face of stresses and challenges that you didn’t anticipate.

 

But why should you even bother?

 

At least part of you probably feels like moping around and having a pity party. The answer is actually surprising, and it comes from science. Research dating back several decades in the field of positive psychology suggests that the act of giving gratitude every day can actually boost your happiness.

 

At the end of every day, write down three things that happened during that day that made you feel grateful. Spend time remembering the good feelings that happened as you write these acts down. Over time, as a result of doing this one activity, you’ll become a happier person. That sounds almost like voodoo, but the science behind it is pretty convincing.

 

Giving gratitude doesn’t require being a Pollyanna or ignoring the real, sobering truths about your situation. All it takes is just recognizing that there are, indeed, beautiful joyful things in your life. Call attorney Jennifer Rose of The Rose Law Firm immediately for help with your Alabama divorce, child custody, or other family law issue.

Gratitude after Your Alabama Divorce – Part 1

7741351_sYou’re devastated by the prospect of getting separated or divorced. Perhaps your husband walked out on you one afternoon after a big fight over the cable bill. Or maybe your marriage shattered after financial stresses (brought on by someone’s injury) just proved too much for you and your spouse. Even though you feel compelled to separate (or at least explore your divorce options), you wish with all your heart that things had turned out differently. In that context, it seems almost unreasonable to even ask yourself to find gratitude and grace in the situation. Sure, you’ve heard homespun wisdom like “when God closes a door, he opens a window.” But you’re not really “feeling it.” Instead, you’re just depressed, anxious, and scared about the future.

 

First of all, finding grace and gratitude in a situation does not mean forcing yourself to be happy about it. Rather, it means trying to be objective and to look for new opportunities that may not have been opened to you before. For instance, perhaps your husband had insisted on living way out in the country, and you always dreamed of living closer to an urban center, so you can go to plays, enjoy diverse restaurants and see your friends from high school who live closer to town. Even though you don’t want to get a divorce, the split may give you an opportunity to move to where you’ve always wanted to live.

 

We’re going to talk more about why to look for gratitude and grace after divorce in our next post. For now, if you need immediate assistance with your separation or a child custody visitation case, connect with Jennifer Rose — who is Board Certified in Alabama Family Law – for a free consultation with a trusted specialist in this area of the law.

 

Common Mistakes Parents Make in the Alabama Child Custody, Visitation and Support Negotiation Process – Part 5

10892151_sHere’s one last mistake that many clients make re: their child custody or child visitation cases:

 

They don’t set expectations correctly.

 

On some level, you know that the process can’t be rushed. Even if you (and your spouse) want to resolve things as quickly as possible, for many different reasons, bureaucracy can cause friction. In the worst cases, parents can battle over child custody arrangements for years. This obviously creates tension for the child (or children) caught in the middle. It can also get incredibly expensive for both parties to litigate.

 

However, you also want to hold yourself and your attorney to certain standards of performance and ethical behavior. How do you measure success? It’s hard to come up with a single, simple answer. Attorneys aren’t miracle workers, but attorneys definitely differ in terms of experience, results, and general process.

 

Rather than get stuck trying to undo the bad work of a mediocre attorney, spend a lot of time now vetting prospective divorce and child custody lawyers. Make sure you find someone you feel comfortable advocating for you — someone who speaks to your values and who has the background and track record that you believe will be necessary to get results.

 

As part of this due diligence process, please consider calling Board Certified Family Law specialist, Jennifer Rose, to set up a free, thorough case evaluation. Ms. Rose can give you honest, powerful insight into what you need to do next.

Common Mistakes Parents Make in the Alabama Child Custody, Visitation and Support Negotiation Process – Part 4

11589504_s (1)We’re going to dive a little deeper today to help you articulate your needs to your Alabama family law attorney, so that he or she can advocate effectively for you.

 

Right now, you are at the starting gate. You may be unclear about your end goals. You can’t work out the “how” until you clearly define the “whats” in the equation.

 

First, you need to figure out exactly what’s true about your situation now. Then, you need to figure out exactly what you want to be true in the future, once your legal situation is resolved. Approach this exercise with honesty, forthrightness, and a little creativity.

 

What’s True Now?

 

Maybe your husband recently left you three weeks ago. Maybe you only have $30,000 to your name, counting all assets. Maybe you have two kids, ages 7 and 3, one of whom has special needs. Get clear, objectively speaking, about what’s going on in your life. Don’t let emotions cloud your view. Be like a reporter – as if you were narrating a story about someone else.

 

What Do You Want to Be True Later?

 

Next, you want to figure out your ideal end results. How much time, ideally, would you like to spend with your kids? What arrangement with your partner, ideally, would you like to create. How do you want your career, child rearing, and general “life flow” to feel over the next few years? Really spend time brainstorming life from a perspective of “wow, wouldn’t it be great if…!” Don’t censor yourself.

 

After you’ve brainstormed, take a break. Then come back and edit your ideas into more realistic, practical goals. Once you have done all that, only THEN is it time for the “how.”

 

For help with all aspects of this process, get in touch with Jennifer Rose at the Rose Law Firm for a free, confidential consultation.